Ever wondered what is happening to your body when you fall in love? In short, a lot of good stuff. But let’s dive a little deeper, shall we?
We have three emotional systems when it comes to love: Sex drive, attraction, and attachment. And they are all interlinked and regularly act together. But they can also act independently — which can sometimes cause issues in relationships. The prefrontal cortex controls these three systems and by understanding how these stages work, and what’s going on from a physical point of view, we can learn to manage them and make wise choices when it comes to all things love.
The Force of Love:
Sex Drive, Attraction, and Attachment
Essentially, romantic attraction is driven by our sex drive and the ‘need’ for a partner. Attraction helps us stay focused on one person and attachment’s purpose is to bring a union between two people — and if all goes well, then reproduce.
The Three Stages of Romantic Attraction
Your Sex Drive (Libido)
This stage is the simplest to explain. Put simply, your sex drive is at the steering wheel and looking for a partner or lover.
The Attraction Stage
By this stage, you’ve already done the Instagram stalk and you can barely muster up a sentence in front of that person – think butterflies and heart beating quickly. Awkward encounters are the norm, and you can’t stop thinking of this person. Like, ever. Yep, we’ve all been there.
If we’re being honest, you could label these feelings as borderline obsession and you’re thinking up strategies of how you’re going to take this to the next level.
If the relationship does start (beyond the stalking), it can be a lot of fun and an exciting time of getting to know each other. However, Dr. Helen Fisher warns that you may experience separation anxiety, emotional dependence, and obsessive thinking.
Why does this part feel so good? A little thing we like to call dopamine. Dopamine pushes you to fall in love with this person and is closely associated with feelings of pleasure and reward.
The Attachment Phase
This is where SEEEEX comes in. When you orgasm Oxytocin and Vasopressin gets released in your body — lots and lots of it. These hormonal releases give you a feeling of attachment. Let’s just say, the attachment phase feels good because it gives us social comfort, emotional union, peace, and closeness with a long-term partner.
Sometimes people are attracted to someone, date them, sleep together, and become attached. Sometimes people sleep together first and then fall in love. The three stages don’t always work in a particular order and are very dependent on individuals and how they steer their romantic relationships.
This information was originally published in On Top: Your Personal Study Guide to Holistic Sexuality. You can find your copy here.
For further study on the biochemistry of love:
For more info check Dr Helen Fisher's TedTalk here. https://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fisher_the_brain_in_love
36 Question that lead to Love article https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/style/36-questions-that-lead-to-love.html
Scientific study: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0014579307004875