By Jaimie Laverty from @ourpilatesclub
Image by Bella Thomas
When considering the body and intimacy the first question that occurred to me is how will we ever be truly present with another body if we feel disconnected from our own bodies?
It’s an unfortunate reality that our society and current way of living requires a certain level of disassociation from our physical bodies. We rush to complete a long list of daily requirements, ignoring bodily sensations that tell us to rest, eat or perhaps withdraw. We accept the notion of ignoring pain, participating in overly aggressive exercise routines that encourage you to push past your body’s capabilities, all to adhere to the type of body or lifestyle you think you should have. Sadly, accidents, injuries or sickness are the things that slow us down, and face our disassociation.
There’s a beauty in those who are connected to their bodies, an unexplainable attractiveness in someone who feels at home in their own skin.
I have recently been convicted that the one thing I will forever have full ownership over – for my entire lifetime – is my body. Wealth, relationships, possessions will come and go, but I will always have my physical form. A gift that I endeavour to accept, care for and importantly feel deeply at home in.
We all have had moments when we have felt truly in tune with ourselves and have listened to the physical or emotional sensations in our bodies. There is a quiet satisfaction when you hear what you need and meet that need in the moment. These are often the seasons when we have the ability to fully connect and be present with another person, where a deeper level of intimacy can be experienced.
Our ability to perceive physical sensations that arrive in the body and to connect with those messages are key to feeling at home in our skin. It's tuning into your intuition and trusting the voice that gives you insight, protects you and ultimately allows you to trust another individual.
This all can become quite a cerebral consideration, so let me unpack some simple ways to reconnect with your body, which if anything are quite enjoyable to do.
Exercising
Think of the forms that create awareness and are mindful.
Avoid forms that force you to disassociate from pain.
Take moments out of your day to stretch the tight places
Be present – notice your breath.
Do your best to withhold self judgement.
Things I like walks, pilates, yoga, dance.
Connect with your skin
A tactile practice; this can feel strange at first, but give it a try.
Find a moment in the day where you can sit in a quiet room by yourself.
Commencing with the lower half of your body, wrap your hands around hold of your feet and take a few deep breaths.
Make your way up the body, holding your calves, knees, thighs, hips.
Repeat on the other leg.
Work your way up to your tummy, bottom, waist, ribs, chest, shoulders and each arm.
Notice the texture of your skin, the temperature, the weight, and the beauty.
If you’re not up to this yet, just mindfully apply your favourite body oil or moisturiser.
The basic principle is finding ways to feel connected to your physical body without judgement. Slow down during the day to connect with yourself and notice how that inturn impacts your intimate relationships with another.
Further reading:
Somatic-Experiential Sex Therapy: A Body-Centered Gestalt Approach to Sexual Concerns