No matter your history - whether you’ve had sex or not, whether you've had so many experiences (good or bad) you've lost count - your worth is NOT based on your sexual choices.
Some people think they are better than others because they have a good track record, some people are embarrassed they've never done the deed. Some carry hurt from past experiences and think that they don't matter, or aren't worth being treated right.
Some have had things happen to them and can't shake the shame or think they don't deserve better.
Some people think their high number means they are cool.
Some have kept boundaries that have kept them in a good place (emotionally/mentally), some feel like a mess and just want to be loved.
It’s easy to associate behaviors with identity or worth. Meaning, if a person does something then that is who they are. We need to separate the idea of what we do from who we are. You may have failed an exam, but you are not a failure. We can apply this to our sexuality. Sexuality is so intertwined with our very core being, that how we live out this area of our lives can often feel like it defines us. This is simply not true. Our sexuality may be part of who we are, but we are not our sexuality or our sexual choices.
In saying that, it’s important to note that although our worth is about so much more than our sexual choices, our sexual choices can teach us so much about ourselves that we may otherwise not know or understand.
Sex is sort of like a metaphor, it's the external expression of an internal need - need for love, need for acceptance, need for connection, comfort, value, and so on.
Sex isn’t just about the good feeling-- sexual interactions speak to our core. Sex might make you feel loved, or like you’re ‘the man’, or you're cool, or pretty and accepted, but what is vital for healthy sexuality is that we don't make sexual choices to gain worth. Understand your worth first and then make choices regarding sexuality.
Where do you find your worth?